Sunday, August 19, 2018

Mental abuse and guilty treats


Well, as I figure out what to do with a week off from work, which was supposed to be spent with my DH on our sailboat but then I chickened out with what happened during the week that made me realise that  on terra firma I can escape, but on water, in a 30' boat ... not so good.   So, I’ve got too much time on my hands (wanna listen to some music while you read the rest … then click on this LINK ) and I've decided to finally get back to what I love to do, put my thoughts down to save my sanity and amuse whoever reads this.


I’ve been abit out of social media, especially in the #DOC this year.  It’s mainly due to my Mum bidding adieu to the world in January, spending much needed  time with my Dad, and at the same time trying to do my best to repair a marriage that’s been going downhill for the past 10 years.  Believe it or not, one of the biggest factors that had caused problems in our 30 years together that I only found out about in 2017?

*** F_ING DIABETES ***

Sadly, he feels I spend too much time on it.   Good for me though, since starting insulin pump therapy back in 2007,  I was offered work at various websites, discovered  the Diabetes Online Community (#DOC), and life I thought was good.  Along with many other issues that can affect anyone's relationship,  I’m taking slow steps to venture out on my own.  It's a bit scary, now with compromised eyesight from the cataract surgery last year that I've written about, but it's time to open the door to new experiences, even at my age when retirement is just around the corner.  I know I'm stronger than I think but it'll just take time with what's been going on over the years that pushed me into doubting my sanity.


So, that’s my life in a nutshell … I’m still alive and kicking – despite a failed attempt at suicide back in April with over dosing insulin when I just couldn’t take it anymore (seeking help when usually it's you who is helping others made me feel silly, but they helped me understand that my situation demanded help).  I’ve had a few moments since then, but am hanging on as best as I can as I rediscover myself.


On to a good subject to end this blog that was difficult to sit down and write  … this will leave a sweet taste in your mouth.   I discovered last week, when I was in Ottawa at Costco, getting yes, my cheaper diabetes … these delightful little sweet treats to have with my cafĂ© that you see below ! 


Yes, palm leaf pastries!  Even better they are made with butter, which is rare when you find commercially prepared ones where other fats are used.  The last time I had a true butter one was in Spain, and it just melted in my mouth.  Well, this ones do too, and they’re the perfect portion size to not overdue it if you’re watching your calories or carbohydrates.  One of these little pastries rings in a 60 calories, and 9 grams of carbs.  Perfect for my almost low carb meal plan (I try to aim for less than 120 grams a day … most of the time it’s less depending on what I eat).  With abit of cheese on the side to balance things out, it’s a great way to start off my day!

So, if you’re looking for them here in Canada (sorry my American friends) … check out Sweet Creations  to find out where you can purchase them besides Costco … and be prepared to fall in love! 


4 comments:

  1. Anna, I hear you. I was married for 14 years, developed thyroid cancer and he walked out and left me. It is scary. One day I was letting my dog outside and it hit me that I knew my marriage wasn't going to last and he was going to walk out. This was way before anything eles happened. The only thing that has kept me on this earth is my counselor who is also now my friend. We text everyday. If you want to Skype or use string and two tin cans, that would be lovely. When my bg is high I send her a text and she checks in on me until I stabilize. One time at work I knew I wasnt thinking all that well and I sent her a text and she came right out, got me a regular pop and said On star counselor! lol. So maybe a counselor you feel comfy with might be helpful. There are so many things I could share with you, but not on here. I think of you often. Love your photos, blogs, random thoughts and that you are human. If you can please check out this book : Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jennie lawson. You can google her as well. I know you would love it. Lets maybe plan on connecting online. I have Monday and Tuesdays off from work. Sending love and bear hugs!

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  2. My dear, dear, far too distant friend <3 I have been where you were in April - many long years ago. I didn't have the guts to push the plunger and so I continue on and have met so many cool people as a result!
    As Jo says, find a friend you can call or test any time. You can try me though we are on different time zones and I do not hear phones when I'm asleep (Ask my boss - on call for me doesn't work well :P ).
    I'll respond all normal days. I also do emails :-)
    Honestly hon, if his issue is your diabetes, why didn't he mention it years ago? It's not like it's getting cured? Whatever - I'm happy to talk to you anytime if you like. PM me in Facebook anytime. Love you Lady!!!!

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  3. Love and hugs - Do know you are loved by many - Do what you need for you - And PLEASE do not ever hesitate to reach out for help. ANYTIME. Putting your struggle out here is a step in your healing and I am glad to see you taking care of you.

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  4. Oh, Anna - you can call, email, text whenever. I'm so sorry. You're an amazing woman who has been so instrumental in my approach to living with D.

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